I was outside cutting my front lawn
when my neighbor approached me
“You’re not going to cut it in
a diamond pattern like Phil?”
I looked over at Phil’s place
then back to my neighbor
I said, “No.
No, I’m not.
Phil doesn’t work 50 or more hours
a week in a scorching warehouse.
Phil is sober.
Also, Phil is a pretentious douche.”
I continued cutting with a crooked smile.