I was outside cutting my front lawn

when my neighbor approached me 

“You’re not going to cut it in 

a diamond pattern like Phil?”

I looked over at Phil’s place

then back to my neighbor

I said, “No.

No, I’m not.

Phil doesn’t work 50 or more hours 

a week in a scorching warehouse. 

Phil is sober.

Also, Phil is a pretentious douche.”

I continued cutting with a crooked smile.