S.I.P.

my dog has had problems

taking a shit as of late

he doesn’t have stomach issues

or anything of that nature

an asshole mockingbird has been

attacking him mercilessly

squatting and vulnerable

only to be interrupted mid-shit

by unruly flapping and 

pecks to his hind parts

today that stopped

I walked out of the house

to see the flying prick swoop

down at my dog as he tucked

his tail and ran frantically inside

the bird landed on an old stump

I retrieved a BB gun pistol that was

obviously fabricated before the 1970’s

I loaded the BB in the chamber

ratcheted the pump 10 times

cocked it and slowly made my way

toward the bird with my dog closely behind

I aimed and fired

the bird was hit and flew into the fence 

before coming to rest under the fig tree

now I despise killing anything

but I love my dog and firmly believe

that he should be able to shit in

peace in his own yard

I showed the dead bird respect by 

giving it a proper yet fitting goodbye

I buried it next to the back fence

where I bury all of my dog’s shit

Great Review

so I’ve been writing less

it’s been eating at my existence

nothing creative bursting

only oozing out

a smattering of decent offerings 

but no solid traction or consistency

well, I did write a review for a 

company that did some work for me

this review was well worded 

and thought out

easily 

the best 

most glowing review

this company will ever get

I guess that’s something

I’ll put down the revolver

Play by play

the St. Louis Cardinals

are murdering the Atlanta Braves

at the moment

it’s the bottom of the 7th and

the Braves are losing 9 to 1

my father absolutely loved the Braves

I’ve been to several games

with him throughout the years

the last trip stands out immensely

it was a year before his death

the cancer had come back with a vengeance

he wanted to stay healthy as long as 

possible and not have the chemo kill him

despite his shortness of breath

and my multiple suggestions to turn back

he made it to the top of Stone Mountain

one last time

it seems somewhat poignant

watching the Braves 

get annihilated on Father’s Day

to see how one reacts to adversity

and overcomes challenges

in the face of utter darkness

is inspiring and devastating

all at the same time

the game ended after the third out

it’s a new rule this year

double-header games are limited

to 7 innings each

I was unaware of this until now

you just never know when the end will be

Diamond

I was outside cutting my front lawn

when my neighbor approached me 

“You’re not going to cut it in 

a diamond pattern like Phil?”

I looked over at Phil’s place

then back to my neighbor

I said, “No.

No, I’m not.

Phil doesn’t work 50 or more hours 

a week in a scorching warehouse. 

Phil is sober.

Also, Phil is a pretentious douche.”

I continued cutting with a crooked smile.

A sad world of affairs

the planet gets smaller by the day

yet egos continue to swell

separate groups with

conflicting ideologies 

group separately

with ideas of conflict

one in the same in many regards

all flowing with blood

each one having

families

interests

desires

goals

ailments

love

hate

good times

and tears

the only real differences being

skin color

belief in God

political views

or financial disparities

it’s just so disheartening

we will all die alone

not truly knowing one another

Naturally Human

It was a crisp April morning

on a spring mountain trip

with the family. 

After a short hike my wife asked, 

“Do you ever just stop and 

listen to your surroundings?”

I said, “Yes, of course. 

However, I can’t say the same

for those loud-ass birds.”

Afterwards, I brought up primitive camping,

My wife was not interested one iota.

She started spewing falsities such as,

“We’ll get murdered out there. 

That’s where the serial killers are.”

I said, “Stop! Don’t do that. 

Don’t generalize and try to place

certain groups in specific pegs.

That’s just tacky.”

I let out a king’s breath of 

confidence before continuing,

“There are also child molesters out there.”

encapsulated nothingness

a descent down amongst lifelessness

inhibits facts about oneself

true images a facade

what you see in the mirror

nothing more than a counterfeit

a delusion of importance 

superseded by a

deluge of the unimportant 

drunk and bitching 

although

not exactly sure

what I’m bitching about

however

I do know why I’m drunk

Waiting Room

(Originally published by Horror Sleaze Trash)

in the crowded room waiting

waiting on the second

nerve pill to kick in

surrounded by

young

old

black

white

men and women

I don’t think the old black women

are here for a vasectomy

it is a gender fluid world now

so I could be wrong

maybe they have trouble peeing

what if their occupation

is that of a degrading dominatrix

specializing in water sports

the inability to pass urine

would be affecting their 

income and livelihood

it could be a tax write off

Rye whiskey and pork jowl pizza

(Originally published by Horror Sleaze Trash)

your wife asks you to put

a bullet in her head

normally this would be

taken as a joke but

recently she has been in

immense pain and is in

no joking mood whatsoever

trust me I know

I don’t even get a smile

when I speak of Asian

hookers or dog dick

I know it’s serious then

I feel pure guilt enjoying

this ten dollar cigar

and good rye whiskey

while she aches and moans

in bed well before bedtime

I’ve gotten her water

rubbed her back

and put a heating pad

on her as requested

but I still feel empty 

as if I’m incapable of helping

I am making a pork

jowl cauliflower crust pizza

I put the crust on for the initial bake

I try a sample of the cut up jowl

the dog stares at me

I take out a chewed piece

for him to sample as well

he devours it and continues

licking the patio pavement

where it landed

now the fucker won’t leave

me alone and go to bed

with his ailing mother

as a dog he’s a mama’s boy

lays on her legs at night

I have to move him constantly

he also gets up out of bed

every time she rises

here lately with the disease

this has been constant

with multiple trips to the bathroom

as my cigar now burns down

I refill my glass of rye

I’ve become a fan of rye recently

a competitor to my usual bourbon

sometimes more spice is nice

my wife needs to feel

some spice right now

more than I do

as I relight this nub

I am hating myself for enjoying life

A rich life means more to some

I enjoy expensive luxuries

but loathe rich people

to clarify

it’s not the individuals

that I hate

but the state of being

the ostentatiousness

the entitlement that is emanated

granted

there is nothing more pleasing

than a handmade top-shelf cigar

an exquisite aged whiskey

or a meal fit for a king

the satisfaction

flavor and depth of each

exude a pleasure 

that is incomparable

although

I have to work for

my upper echelon vices

sweating and grunting

lifting and moving

laboring and dying

making each indulgent experience

a truly special happening

but to the posh and affluent 

it is a throwaway expense

never truly appreciated

just another

Road Dog

(Originally published by Horror Sleaze Trash)

John was an over the road truck driver.  He had a wife of 15 years named Kim.  He would be at home one week out of the month on average.  Kim worked part time as a receptionist at the Douglas Firm, and as a server on weekend nights at The Starry Eye Saloon.  When they first got married, it was difficult for John to leave out on a run; but now, it’s as if he couldn’t wait to get back on the road.  That’s when Kim decided to take a job waitressing on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night at the town’s most popular strip club.  

Kim was getting ready to go into work at the club on a Friday night when she called John. 

He answered in an annoyed tone, as if he was being bothered, “Hello?” 

“Wow, you answered.” 

“Yeah, I’m about to lay down. What’s up?”

“Just wanted to talk to you for a minute before I go in. Where are you at now?”

“Huh? Yeah, umm, I’m outside of Dallas.  I have a few stops out here, and a few in the city, then I’ll be headed west.”

“Well, okay.  The club job is paying well, but Jim is still flirting with me.”

There was silence, and Kim swore that she heard a female’s voice and also some giggling.

“Hello?” Kim said, in an agitated, yet concerned tone.

“Umm, yeah, I’m here. Sorry. What did you say?”

“Jim keeps saying I’m wasting my talents waitressing. That I should be stripping. He said I have too good of a body not to. It’s making me feel uncomfortable.”

“Look, if he thinks you have what it takes, I say go for it. We could use the extra money. But don’t do anything to jeopardize the job you have now. Jesus, Kim. Do I have to hold your goddamn hand through this too?”

“It’s just that I don’t….”

“I need to get some sleep. I’ll call you in a day or two,” he interrupted.

John hung up the phone, laid back on the pillows in his sleeper, and continued getting what was said would be, ‘the best head outside of Dallas’.  At that moment, John could not argue with such pristine logic.  She was good.  Hell, she ought to be, John thought.  She’s had enough practice.  Plus, the missing teeth never hurt.  He worked one up, and blew it right to the back of her throat.  John gave her the twenty dollars she requested, and a beer for the road to cleanse her palate. 

Kim was having a rough night.  There was a feature dancer in town from Dallas, and the club was packed with horny guys with big cowboy hats, and even bigger belt buckles.  She was running from the bar to the stage, back to the bar, and to the private rooms all night.  A fella named Jimbo in one of the private rooms offered her $1000 to go home with him, which she kindly declined.  Kim knew that her relationship was probably past mending, but she wasn’t going to be the villain in this movie.  

She was out back on her only break of the night smoking a cigarette, when the feature dancer came out and asked her for a light.  The two chatted while they smoked.  Kim envied her confidence, and the dancer’s curvaceous body made her slightly jealous.  The subject of home life and men came up.  The dancer told Kim that she traveled so much that having a normal relationship was out of the question.  Kim spoke of John, and how he was hardly ever home.  She opened up about his infidelity as well, and the two verbally crucified the trucker.  Kim returned to the grind, and the dancer to grinding.

John woke and made the few pickups outside the city and headed to bustling Dallas.  He had been there before and absolutely detested the traffic.  John inched and weaved through a web of highways and exits and made all of his pickups by 6 p.m.  He was ready for a shower and a six pack.  He had a long haul ahead of him to California.  John liked the girls at the truck stops in California.  He thought about all the good times he had with the Mexican girls out there.  He hoped that he could find his favorite.  She was a stacked, black girl, with big tits and a huge ass that he had seen a couple of times in the past.  John loved her enormous ass and how it completely engulfed his cock in the reverse cowgirl position.  He was getting hard just thinking about it.

John pulled into the truck stop around 7 p.m.  It was packed, but he finally found a spot near the back.  He got his change of clothes, wallet, and toiletries, and headed toward the showers.  After his shower, he got dressed and went into the main store area to get him some beer.  John wanted nothing more than to down a few brews and pass out watching his Gunsmoke DVD.  

As he headed to pay for the beer, a sexy blonde in a summer dress caught his eye.  She was looking at the roadmap section near the register.  While he was in line, they made eye contact a few times and John made his way toward her.

“Well, hey there cutie. You’re looking for a map?  Are you and your husband lost?”

“Oh, no.  I’m not lost.  I have GPS on my phone, I’m just looking at these brochures of attractions and places to see nearby.  I’m just casually making my way to my sister’s place in Arizona. I haven’t had the problem of a husband in quite some time. Thank God.”

They both laughed and continued with small talk about the weather, also, how terrible fast food is, and the huge statue of a weiner out by the road.  John wanted to make a dick joke then, but thought that it would be inappropriate, so he put a kibosh on that.  She surprised him when she said, “If you have even half of that then I’m going with you.”

John gave her a devilishly carnal grin and said, “You might just have to find out.  Hell, what’s your name?”

“Sorry, I’m Liza,” she said, as she extended her hand toward John.

He took her hand in his and said, “Liza.  That’s a beautiful name.”

John held her delicate hand and could not get over how soft it was.  He looked down at the tanned hand, the perfectly painted nails, and back up at her flawless smiling face and said, “Hell, Liza.  I have all this beer to drink and no one to drink it with.  Would you like to have a few with me and continue this?”

Liza looked around as if she was contemplating saying no, but with a burst of exuberance, she said, “Get that pint of Jack Daniel’s there and you have yourself a drinking buddy.”

John got the fifth of Jack and they headed to his truck.  John walked behind Liza and watched her ass sway with every stride she took.  He stared at her sexy golden legs.  Her sun-kissed skin shimmered in the brightness of the store’s large overhead lights on poles.  John was used to the company of average to below average women, but Liza was leaps and bounds above them all, and most of all, she wasn’t a lot lizard.

They arrived at the truck and John unlocked it and got in.  He grabbed her hand to help her up, and couldn’t help but notice the absence of a bra.  Her sundress scrunched up in the front, exposing her exquisite, bronzed breasts.  Once inside, John showed her around his tiny, traveling apartment.  She told him it was quaint and homey.  John opened them both a beer and poured some whiskey in his coffee mug.  They drank and talked about John’s job, his life on the road, and his failing marriage.  John found it easy to talk to Liza.  He thought, she’s a beautiful woman, and she actually listens to me.

With the fifth about half empty, Liza turned to John and said, “This whiskey is making me hot.”

“You want me to turn up the AC a little?”

“No, that’s alright.  I know what to do.”

Liza stood as best as she could in the tiny space, pulled her sundress up over her head, and tossed it at John.

“There.  That’s better.  You don’t mind do you?”

John looked up and down the sexy, completely tanned female form in front of him and said, “Hell no. Not at all.  Mind if I join you?”

“I was kinda hoping you would.  Here let me help.”

Liza moved close to John on the tiny twin bed and began undressing him.  As she unbuttoned each button on his shirt, she kissed his neck and down his chest.  She pulled his pants down and continued her kisses downward.  John laid back and Liza bobbed and licked.  She crawled up toward him and mounted.  Liza’s warm wetness enveloped him completely as she took him all in.

Afterwards, they laid there, sweaty and exhausted. He told her to stay with him for the night, and in the morning, he would get her contact info so he could keep in touch with her.

When John woke the next morning, Liza was gone.  He figured she’d just gone inside to get some coffee.  He noticed a piece of paper with some writing on it and hoped that she’d left her number for him.  John wiped the sleep from his eyes, picked up the paper, and read it.

John, I had a blast last night. Thanks for the drinks. Jack makes me a little wild, so sorry if I hurt you. I have to confess that our meeting wasn’t as random as you may have thought. My dancer friend told me about you. She let me know where you would be and said that I should show you a good time. I sure hope you enjoyed yourself.

P.S. By the way, your wife wants a divorce. Also, you should never judge a book by its cover. You should probably get tested. Liza