my grandmother
my dad’s mom
the matriarch of that side
outliving everyone around her age
and an immense of younger as well
to date
two of her own kids
my father and his older brother
today I went to see her in the hospital
the last time I went
a week earlier
she was carrying on
laughing
talking
bitching
loving
full of life
an ill
worn down
weak life
but a life nonetheless
today was not that life
today I looked into
the eyes of death
a scared
confused
restless existence
her mouth moving
but no words exited
the eyes peered
with no focus or comprehension
constant jerking and restlessness
futile as the arms and legs
were bound to the bed
that would be enough
to drive me mad in itself
I told her that I loved her
I asked if she was in pain
I told her to tell us
anyway she could
if she was in pain
her constant jerking
the blank stares
the mouth movements
were probably saying just that
Gloomy Forebodings 