Worse than bed bugs

I was at work today

dying slowly in the massive

soul-sucking sauna

also known as a warehouse

I was about to step foot

inside the office to bask

in the orgasmic air conditioning

when I heard two female voices

out back behind thin roll up doors

I walked over to see what two

fifty-something crackheads talk about

it started off innocent enough

with one wretched degenerate 

telling the other to eat something

“I ain’t hungry!

Mike asked me if I wanted a 

burger and I told him no”

the other’s response was

“you are so far up 

his ass it’s pathetic”

I was expecting something

about this Mike character as a retort

but was not prepared to hear what came next

the crackhead that is presumably up Mike’s ass said

“I could tell you something right now

but you would think I was crazy”

a slight pause

“go ahead then, tell it”

“I’ve got people living in my mattress

not under my bed

but inside my mattress

my kids said if I come home

they are gonna put me in the hospital

…they think I’m crazy”

I turned to go inside the office and 

politely with the utmost respect whispered

“oh bitch, you are”